Playing the Fool
by The Jersey Boy
Summary: Jafar plays a nasty little trick on Aladdin and co., but they decide to get even! Unfortunately, the effect isn't as harmless as the first time around. In the end, only Jafar can save Agrabah from nuclear war! PLEASE R/R!


Playing The Fool

By The Jersey Boy

Special Thanks to you, Hope!

NOTES: Awright, here's a little Aladdin fic for yous… I hope you like it, so if you do, review! These characters aren't mine, they're just being used in the story, and… what's that??? Sir, step out of the car, please. ^_^

"Come on, come on!" Jafar called from the den. "It's starting!"

"Oh boy, oh boy!" Abu chittered.

Aladdin and Jasmine rushed into the living room just in time to see the podrace start.

"What's goin' on here?" Genie asked, popping out of nowhere.

"Shh…" Said Jafar. "We're watching the podraces."

"Oooh, sports!" In a flash, Genie was wearing a beer-can holding hat, holding a pennant in one hand and a large pretzel dripping with mustard in the other. "Go team! Go team! Uh… which team are we rooting for anyway?"

"I want the guy named Sebulba to win." Aladdin said.

"Me too! He's so handsome!" Jasmine cooed.

"Sebulba!" Abu screeched.

"Oh you poor fools." Jafar said, shaking his head, "I feel confident that the little boy will win."

"Get outta here… him?" Aladdin scoffed, indicating the small slave boy on the screen. "He doesn't have a chance."

"I'll bet you any amount of money that he will win." Jafar said.

"You're on! I'll bet 5,000 gold pieces!"

"I'll throw in 2,000!" Said Jasmine.

Abu tossed some brand new bananas on the table.

"Very well." Said Jafar. "Let's watch the race."

The group watched the race intently. Genie kept refilling his soda cans, and Abu was chowing down on bananas.

After a while, it seemed that the boy was INDEED going to win!

"This can't be happening!" Cried Aladdin! "That's all my money on that table!"

Jafar tried to conceal his laughter. Finally, the race ended, with the boy winning!

"Noooo! We're broke!" Aladdin and Jasmine threw themselves into each other's arms, sobbing. Meanwhile, Abu had dropped a bunch of bananas under the couch, and he scurried after them. When he got under the couch, he found something surprising… the box to "Star Wars: Episode 1!!!"

"Awaddin! Awaddin!" Abu cried, jumping up on Aladdin's lap.

"What's this?" Aladdin said, looking at it. "It's a movie box!" Aladdin noticed that the display on the sultan's VCR said "PLAY."

"JAFAR!" Aladdin screamed. He whirled around to see the grand vizier rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off.

"Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh ho, ho, ho! Hee,hehehe! That was too funny!" Jafar wheezed through his laughter. Then he finally calmed down. "I admit you people always WERE good for a laugh!"

But Aladdin, Jasmine, Abu, and Genie glared at him, angry as hell.

"That wasn't funny." Aladdin said.

"Oh well!" Jafar took the money and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Aladdin cried.

Jafar simply smiled and said, "Finders keepers, Abooboo!"

Genie turned into the host of Family Feud. "Survey says: That guy is NOT cool!"

"This burns me up!" Aladdin screamed.

"Yeah, me too." Said Genie, who immediately erupted in flames. Jasmine poured some water on him.

Genie then transformed into a college professor. "The book always says the best method is not to get angry, but to get even!"

"Even…" Cackled Aladdin, daggers forming in his eyes. "That's exactly what we'll do!"

The next day…

"So explain to me what I have to do again." Said Iago.

"Just find something he's going to do that can get him a lot of money or gold or something. Then report back to us." Aladdin said.

"What do I get in return?"

"The sultan just got a whole case of Ritz crackers, so you can have them all." Genie said.

"Deal!" Iago immediately flew off to find Jafar.

Jafar was watching "GUARDS" (the equivalent of today's show, COPS) in his chambers. Iago flew in and sat on the chair, just as a commercial for the Agrabah Lottery came on.

"The Agrabah Lotto Jackpot is now: 15 MILLION COINS!!!"

"Hey Jafar, you should enter that!" Iago suggested.

"Hmm…" Jafar pulled at his beard. "Excellent idea! I'll go right down to Abis Mal's Deli to get a ticket!"

After Jafar left, Iago rubbed his wings together. "Perfect! Heh, heh, heh…"

"The lottery! Brilliant!" Cried Genie. "Give me one second!" He time traveled ahead to 6:30, 1,000 years that day in the future, then came back. "The lottery numbers for that day are: 1, 80, 02, 44, 84, 87, and I taped the drawing!" In a flash, Genie created a fake lottery ticket with those numbers. "Come on, birdie! Let's go switch these tickets!"

That night…

Jafar was watching the lottery drawings, while Aladdin, Genie, and Jasmine hid outside the door. In no time, they heard "YEEEEEE-HAAAAA!"

Then Jafar came dancing out, singing: _"You poor unfortunate souls! I'm rich! You're not! This one wants to get his gold back, that one wants to buy a car, but will I help you? No I won't! Ya poor unfortunate souls!!!" _ He completely ignored them as he danced down the hall.

Aladdin and everyone cracked up hysterically. This was too funny!

"Oh Sultaaaan!" Said Jafar, going into the throne room, "I have something I want to say to you!"

"What is it, Jafar?" The sultan asked.

"Well, _YOUR MAJESTY, _I just want to say that you are a…"

**__**

Because children will be reading this, we cannot include the insults, names, and put downs that Jafar uses on the Sultan. However, we can tell you that many of the dirtiest words in the book are included, including MECROB. Iago uses his fair share of gutter language as well.

"Jafar, you are fired!" The sultan screamed.

"Oh no, your majesty! I am not fired! I quit!!! Ahahahah!" He turned, kicked the sultan with the back of his shoe, then marched out of the palace. "Come, Iago, let's go _shopping!_ Mwaahahahah!"

Jafar proudly placed a 14 karat solid gold snake staff on the counter. The man eyed him over suspiciously.

"Uh, how yous gonna pay for dis?"

"Why, with my credit card." Said Jafar, and he placed his Agrabah Express card on the counter. 

The man took it and scanned it, then said, "Uh, you ain't buyin this thing with 25 dollars on your account, buddy."

Jafar raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you only got 25 bucks on this card, and you wanna buy that?"

Jafar scratched his head. "You must be mistaken."

"Nope, I ain't. See for yourself." The man showed Jafar the computer screen.

"**NAME**: JAFAR A. BATESON **ACCOUNT TO DATE: **$25"

"What in the devil is this?" Jafar screamed. "Is this a trick?"

"No. The tricks are outside." The clerk replied. "Now if you want we have a nice wooden snake staff for only 5 bucks."

Jafar glowered. "Your financial fakery will not get you anywhere. I'll take my business elsewhere!"

"Whateva."

The result was the same at every store and with each of Jafar's credit cards… he had no money!

"What's going on here?" Jafar wondered. "I won the lottery! I had the ticket! They were supposed to put it right in my account!"

"Geez, I'm so ticked off that I'm crapping uncontrollably!" said Iago.

"Eww!" Jafar knocked Iago off his shoulder, then examined the ticket again. "Hmm… October 7… 2002??? This is the year 1002!" He stomped his foot. "I'VE BEEN TRICKED!"

"Oh really? Ya think?" said Iago, cleaning up after himself.

Jafar sat down and cried. "What am I going to do now? I have no money and no job! What am I going to do?"

Nothing happened. "What am I going to do?" he repeated.

Iago slapped him. "Reality check! This is not a commercial for the Democrats! There is NOT going to be a politician walking up the street and is going to stop and describe his welfare plan!!!"

This made Jafar cry harder. "Waaaah! I want my mommy!"

Meanwhile…

The citizens of Agrabah were marching in front of the palace, angry as all hell.

"What's going on?" Aladdin asked the Sultan, who was standing over the balcony.

"They're revolting." The Sultan said. "They don't like the way I run things."

"But what did you change since recently?"

"Nothing, except that my most trusted advisor quit."

While the Sultan was saying this, Abu was watching the Disney movie "Aladdin" at the part where Jafar uses the lamp to become sultan. "Most twusted advisor?" He chittered, scratching his head.

Genie popped in and transformed into Ripley. "Believe it or not, Jafar actually DID help the Sultan keep the peace."

"I don't believe it." Said Jasmine.

"I reiterate: Believe it or not!"

"But I can't re-hire him!" Said the Sultan. "Not after what he said to me!"

"What did he say?"

The Sultan played the tape from the throne room security camera.

"Oh sultaaan! I have something to tell you!" Jafar was saying.

"What is it?"

"I just wanted to say that you can…" A huge blast of static muted most of Jafar's rant. "…until the handle breaks off, and you need to find a doctor to pull it out again!"

"By Allah!" Aladdin whispered.

Genie went over to a wall. "Hmm… the writing on the wall says YOU MUST GET HIM BACK!"

The Sultan shook his head. "I won't do it. We must find somebody to replace him!"

"Hey, weren't you going to make me the grand vizier?" Aladdin said.

"I don't recall saying that." The sultan said.

"But!!!"

Genie chuckled. "Excuse Al here. He watches waaay too many Disney cartoons."

"We'll just have to put an ad in the classifieds." Jasmine said. "I'm sure we can find somebody decent."

In 2 weeks…

The Sultan was interviewing a man who had applied for the job, and was just wrapping the interview up.

"So, Mr. Laden, are you confident you will be able to do the job well?"

"Yes, your majesty."

"Well, you're hired! You can start right now!"

"Fantastic."

In another week, a neighboring kingdom was planning war on Agrabah.

"What do we do??" The Sultan cried in a panic. "Mr. Laden, what should I do?"

"Nuke them." The man said.

"What?"

"Nuke them to hell. They must all die."

"Isn't that a bit extreme?"

Mr. Laden laughed. "Nothing is too extreme, your majesty."

"But I don't have any nukes!"

Mr. Laden smiled. "Allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Hussein. He has been harboring them for me for years."

"Waasaaap!" Said Mr. Huseein, walking in.

The Sultan sighed. "I guess if we must, we must. Prepare for nuclear war!"

In the course of the next 2 weeks, the enemy army grouped up and was marching towards Agrabah. At the same time, Agrabah's army was all ready for them. Not only that, Abu was piloting the plane that would nuke the enemy kingdom.

"This isn't good." Said Aladdin, watching the marching soldiers. "We don't need a war."

"What do we do?" Jasmine cried.

"There's only one thing to do. We have to get Jafar back."

"Yeah."

"How do we do it, though." Aladdin wondered. Then he got an idea. He had always seen Jafar admiring a solid gold snake staff. "Honey, get the Palace checkbook."

Meanwhile, on the streets of Agrabah…

Jafar sat in a pool of his own sweat, surrounded by flies. His beard was long and unruly, as was his hair. "Ugh… I always used to say that you'd be surprised what you can live through…" he muttered, "But I never thought that I would have to experience that personally."

Iago didn't answer. He passed out from heat exhaustion.

Suddenly, Jafar looked up and gasped. Hovering in front of him was the solid gold snake staff!

"Is this a snake staff I see before me? The handle to my hand? I hypnotize you and it is done. The palace clock rings… hear it not, Sultan, for it is a…"

"Shut the frick up!" Iago managed to choke out.

Jafar sighed. "Sorry. I hate hallucinations." But the snake staff was still there. Then it hypnotized him, and he got up and followed it to a dark alley.

"How nice of you to join me." Said a gangster voice.

Jafar screamed.

"Relax, J, it's just me." Said Genie. "We need you back at the palace."

"Why?"

"There's about to be a nuclear war."

"I don't like you people…" Jafar said, coughing. "You tricked me."

"You tricked us first." Genie pointed out. "Besides, you'll get something you want." The staff floated in front of Jafar's face, but when he went to grab it, it vanished.

"Ah, ah, aaah! Help us first."

Jafar growled. "Fine."

"But first, let's get you cleaned up."

Back at the palace…

"Haaa, our nuclear war is almost underway!" Mr. Laden cackled.

"Yess, it is almost time." Echoed Mr. Hussein.

Suddenly the door burst open and Jafar walked in, back in his old clothes.

"I'm afraid you've worn out your welcome." He said. He zapped them into oblivion. "BE GONE!" After they disappeared, he said, "Now to stop the war."

He dashed into the throne room.

"Jafar, get out!" The Sultan screamed.

"Shh, no time for anger now. We must act quickly. Come outside, and bring the princess."

Ten minutes later, the two armies were about to clash when Jafar picked up a microphone. "Stop what you are doing right now!" He screamed. When they listened, he said, "In exchange for your stopping your actions right now, the princess will now remove her clothing."

Everyone gasped. Jasmine stepped up on the platform, waved to everyone, then took it all off.

Everyone gasped again.

"Hey!" Said one guy, "There's nothing there!"

"Cough cough…flat… cough cough…" Said another.

"Geez, my 13 year old daughter is bigger than that!" Said one woman.

"You know what?" Said the enemy general, "We don't wanna fight you guys anymore. It's not worth it. We were gonna capture the princess and… well ya know… but screw you now!"

"Yeah, screw you too!" Said the Agrabah general.

After the armies left the street, the "princess" turned back into Genie. "That was fun!"

Meanwhile, Aladdin and the REAL Jasmine cracked up.

"Oh, by the way, sweetie," Said Jasmine, "I've outgrown my 49 DD's."

"Really? Let me see."

"Okay."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Let's end the story here, shall we?

THE END!

Written by The Jersey Boy

Lisence, Insurance, and Registration please.

Father_Hulk@yahoo.com 


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